calm

 I heard Summer Nights by Iration today and it just sent me to another dimension. I feel calm here. I'm in my little island paradise in my head. A special place no one else knows but me. I like it here. I am relaxed, I am at ease. Everything is tender and slow. 

Today I bought Patron for me, myself, and I. I wanted to keep feeling this good feeling. To prolong it. I feel neutral. I'm in the middle, where surrender is. I am accepting everything as it is. I feel change in myself. I feel a voice coming out. Have I unlocked another version of myself? I freaking hope so. I am so grateful. 

We had sex tonight. There was no spectacular orgasm. At least for me. It's been months is an excuse or the actual reason? I don't really know and I don't have the energy to want to know. 

I am slowly liking buying things for myself and for me kids and for our space. I got some organizing stuff. I figured I need to start organizing my surroundings.