dreams

There is a need to address my recurring dreams. I used to have one where I'm being chased by vampires. Even if I hide there is no escaping them. I found out that these type of dreams simply means, I escape my reality. I run away from my problems. Which is fundamentally true. My coping mechanism when I experience hardship is to escape. 

Another recurring dream which is more recent as in today. I woke up this morning to go pee and I went back to sleep since I was not able to get a good sleep last night. This dream is about a particular person. That person was put in my dream by my brain, I'm sure of it. I know it was just a dream and I should not over analyze why that particular person was there. I admit whenever I have that kind of dream, I noticed that it gives me a feeling of tremendous butterflies in my stomach. Whenever I see this person in my dream, I feel that we belong to each other. There's this great pull. I feel the tension between us. It feels incredibly good. 

But the thing is though, this is not at all my reality. I'm in a relationship that feels really low. It's the exact opposite. My dream is telling me my reality could do so much better. It is so obvious that I'm in this situation that I feel exhausted, unhappy, only accepting this reality because of my kids. I've become my mother. Making the same choice. But I'm eating this shit sandwich real fast. 

I am the only one who can save myself. No one else will.