period

 The part of me of who doesn't want to do anything is dominant at the moment. I just got my period hence my hormones are extra out of whack. Panic attacks are more extreme. Just like right now. I'm having visuals of what the apartment in Panay looks like right now. Without the kids and I. With the stuff I left there that I couldn't carry with me back. I know they are just objects but for some reason visuals of them in my head is triggering something big. Something terrifying feeling inside of me. It's tight in the chest. I'm having a hard time breathing. I'm majorly feeling claustrophobic when the light are out in the room. I cannot breathe and the position of my belly against my thighs when I'm sitting in bed is adding to the sensation of tightness. I feel bloated. I had an instant need to call my sister to hear her voice. Dreams of walls closing in on me and everything becoming so thick and filling out space. Like an enveloping swallowing experience. Which come to think of it means I'm being part of all that is. How my positive brain will try to think about it.