waking up

 I woke up late because I slept late. Woke up feeling like I don't want to be here. I want to wake up to hear the sound of the ocean waves. Which seems to be a long shot to the moon. I'm definitely feeling that I'm in survival mode. I am taking one day at a time. I can't shake the hurt I felt last night. My kid said she wants to be adopted by a family member. I guess because she is having more fun when they're together. How can I be fun when I'm surviving and not thriving. The kids are loving this place because this is were they grew up. Opposite of how I feel. And for that I'm fucked.