I'm allowed to feel depressed

 I felt the moment the anxiety set in. We were all in bed getting ready to sleep when all of a sudden I felt a sensation in my body. The feeling was uncomfortable. The feeling and thoughts of me not being back home came at the same time. I instantly felt I was getting warm, my legs were getting itchy. I had to take off the pants I was wearing and change into a dress so I can feel cool. I did an SOS anxiety relief meditation right away. Then I did a couple more meditations. I needed my tools at that time. 

Sending love to my body. I'm safe. 

Takeaways:

It is not my fault that I feel depressed 

I need compassion NOT shame 

My current truth may not be the same as THE actual truth 

UNKIND OR UNHELPFUL thoughts CAN be upgraded 

I deserve compassion and respectful self care 

It's so hard to not be so critical of myself when that's all I know what to do. I've lived with the voice inside my head my whole life. IT's hard to change and have compassion all the time. Especially when there is no one else to blame, and I'm the only one who can save myself. I'm the only player. I'm the one doing all the work so when I fail or I know I'm not doing what I should have done already I feel bad about myself. My children are looking up to the adults in their lives. I have the responsibility to show them how to be fierce, resilient, strong, confident, kind, charisma, and wisdom. I am taking my role as a mother seriously. I want to them to grow in a safe environment. I want them to be emotionally resilient. 

The more I do nothing, I end up realizing I'm going to experience more panic attacks. I have to do something. I need to change!!!