Today

 Yesterday was a tough day. From waking feeling worse the night before, annoyed and irritated with my kids having a fun time without me. I drove around the rest of the afternoon. To clear my head. IT did help a lot. I ended up in an Asian store and I ate some pho. Not the best in the world in my books but being away and seeing a body of water really helped. 

Today, I finally finished my assessment to get medication for my sever anxiety and depression. 

I absolutely know for certain that I believe that I am LUCKY to be alive each day. But right now that belief alone is not enough to get up in the morning and accomplish the morning routine I long desired to achieve CONSISTENTLY. I am nervous to be taking any medication for my brain but hello and I need all the help I could. I want to go to therapy eventually. I need all the help I can get to my higher self. My best self. If medication can help me achieve it. Then so be it. I am willing to pay the price. 

To work hard for my sake and my children's sake. I want to them to be who they are meant to be and I want them to know what it's like to be happy and to truly love yourself. Live a fulfilled life and not be arrogant or boastful about it. IT JUST IS. We all deserve the life we love to live and not to escape from. 

I have failed myself constantly all my life. It's high time that I be consistent in doing the things that uplift myself more.